my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
