ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
