Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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