he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
