My friends, they love my intelligence
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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