my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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