Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
