when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
