Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
