so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
