Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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