Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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