a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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