then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
