I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
