dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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