They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
