he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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