I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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