I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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