im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
