That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize