Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
