I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
