That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
