I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
