Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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