ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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