Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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