I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
