I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
