pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
