Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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