Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
