please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
