Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
