It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
