Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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