That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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