I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
