he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
