I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
