WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
