I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
