I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
