The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
