She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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