its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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