Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I understand Curling. That high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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