Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
