Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
