This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
