I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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