There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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