I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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