your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
