i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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