I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
