Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
