I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
