My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's get the cat blown out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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