I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
