just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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