The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
