don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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