i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
