brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
