My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
