if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
